


Bittersweet

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Glitterverse, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:40:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love's not enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

I put on the make-up by the light of the flickering candles. So dark here...so dark without you to light the way. It's funny the little things you do, trying to save something already lost. I know there is no trust between us. I know black eyeliner and gold glitter can't hide the tear stains that line my face. Can't convince you to stay. But I do it anyway. You will know the moment you open the door. I have not worn it for years now. I run my fingers through my short hair. I wish now I hadn't cut it all off. You had love it so... weaving it through your fingers as we lie in bed after making love. I think at the time I did it to spite you. The silly revenge of someone who had nothing left to fight with.

The knock at the door echoes in my head like thunder. I know it's you behind it and I find myself frightened despite myself. As I open it slowly you are standing there patient and unassuming. Waiting for me. Your skin glows soft and pale by candlelight. Glorious and painful like the glow of the moon. Your smoke grey eyes shine like silver beneath the thin sheath of tears. Always with that heavy charcoal framing their mournful light. Moon pale skin and bright silver eyes... I wonder how it is that all that naturally I fear comes to meet in your aspect...and yet I know that I fear nothing more in this moment than losing you.

So beautiful. You wear those pants. The silver ones that I love. Hair left loose around your face, wild and dark as the shadows that dance round the room in the fading candlelight. The way I loved it best. Tell me Siri...did you dress up for me too? Did you think maybe I could stop this train wreck? ...would stop it if I just saw you like this... beautiful, mournful, perfect... Oh, but I would...I would... if I only knew how.

Tell me.

But you don't utter a word as you step through the doorway, pulling me in close for a kiss. Your lips taste like cherries, shinning glossy and smudge as you pull away, leaving lipstick traces where your lips touched mine. I wonder... if I followed those traces over the years, could I find my way home? Could I kiss my way back to you?

I want to find my way back, love. Back to the trust, and the love, and your warm body against mine. Back to when I wore my sparkling make-up, wore my tight clothes...wore a smile. And life was beautiful, with you're hand nestled safely in mine. And you, grinning that wicked grin... mischief on those glossy lips. Seduction in those silvered eyes. None of this sadness. None of this pain.

I will let you have me one last time. I will be with you now, because there is no tomorrow. Not for us. Tomorrow, the sun will rise on my empty bed.

But for now there are tangled sheets, and needy moans. We are desperate, and make no move to conceal this. Desperate to remember this. To live in this forever. And when it's over, to hold each other for just a little while, and pretend it's alright.

And now I pretend to sleep, as I feel your eyes on me. Always on me. As you get up slowly I spare a glimpse to see your long dark hair ripple across my pillow like the tide going out for this last time. And I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to beg you to stay with me. Just one more day. Just one more time. Stay with me.

But I don't say a word.

You kiss me gently before turning to leave. I kiss back, abandoning the guise of sleep. I keep my eyes open so I can watch you. Watch the unshed tears that sparkle like jewels on your long lashes. Watch how tightly you keep you eyes screwed shut. As if nothing bad could happen as long as they weren't open to see it. Such a sad affair. I opened up my eyes oh so many times. But now... Now it's different. Now you are closed to me. Because I am watching you kiss me for the last time. Long, but not deep. Soft... like the very first time. But bitter sweet.

And then... then you break away from me. Separation hurts so much more when one knows it's permanent. Phantom lips still haunt mine as I watch you walk away...

And now, as you turn to leave, you try and force a smile...as if to compensate...then you break down... and cry. The tears run black down your cheeks, marking your ivory skin with the ugly truth of this. With the corner of your sleeve you wipe away the painted mask you have borne for near as long as I can remember. Your eyeliner washed away, there is only you. No glitz or glam. Just Sirius...

Funny how beautiful people look when they're walking out the door.

\------End


End file.
